so. My four years of incarceration at junior high have recently ended. I managed to get through the entire graduation ceremony shoeless, and my principal didn't seem to notice. just to further demonstrate the ineffectualness of my middle school education, i will proceed to rant about the ills plaguing our public school system today. So:
1. that 'problem solving' crap they taught me in Shop doesn't do shit if one of the steps is interrupted. plus, only the most perseverant (read: hardcore, masochistic) human being would keep going back to square one and evaluating their mistakes. for example: if Jane likes Bobby, and Bobby is madly in love with Barbie, then the logical step is to attempt to sabotage their relationship. But this does not suceed, and the happy couple continue to be together. Jane is so heartbroken she would rather not relive her past 'mistakes' with Bobby, and she goes off and buys a pint of Gifford's Lobster Tracks and consumes it on the town pier while weeping madly into the ocean. so this universal problem solving thing only works in an idealized world.
2. Only about half of the information they gave us about STDs and birth control in health actually sunk in, because the boys were all busy sniggering behind their hands and thinking about getting laid, and the girls were looking away and ignoring the teacher in order to preserve their facade of innocence and modesty.
3. in Shop class they teach you how to make little wooden catapults and flimsy toy cars. real life skills, right?
4. In my humble opinion, if the cafeteria eliminates dessert in order to get students to eat more 'healthfully', they should also cut back on the peanut butter and fluff (seriously, peanut butter i good, but is fluff even a real food?) and the gratuitous amounts of greasy meat. Especially ground beef. I think they are aiming to wipe out the US cattle population. i mean, what's a poor vegetarian like me to do? i can't subsist on salad! pff.
5. my evil english teacher, the TOTAL STEREOTYPE that she is, completely put her whole class off poetry by making us psychoanalyze, diagram, and question the motives of every line of verse we came across. perhaps she was trying to protect her innocent young charges from the terrible fate of being an english major and ending up writing ad copy at some shitty advert agency.
6. the Student Council elections are basically a huge, fucked-up popularity contest disguised as student government. how do i know this? because people NEVER follow up on their flipping campaign promises. ugh. which brings us to...
7. The yearly school fundraiser at Valentine's day. basically, you pay 50 cents for a lame paper heart and a cheap piece of candy, and then the student council will deliver it to whoever you ask. the funny thing is, it's always a bit murky what exactly they're raising funds FOR...unfortunately, this also turns into a huge popularity contest. And inevitably, all the haves end up deluged with construction paper and candy, leaving the have-nots to gape in jealousy.
8. The one good thing about middle school? THEY DON'T HAVE IT IN SUMMER! And i am OUTTA THERE! fuck yeah.
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